Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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