I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
