I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
