just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
