drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
