I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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