I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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