3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
