hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
