I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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