We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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