honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
