i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
