It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Someone signed my nipple.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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