I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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