but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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