a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
...so i touched it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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