Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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