yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
