His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
