with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it because I queefed?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
