Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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