So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
