I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
