Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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