I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
