I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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