if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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