I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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