i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
