At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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