I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
