sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
