I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
