I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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