I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
