so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
