yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
