Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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