His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
