3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
