Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
