I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
