Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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