oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she peed on how many people?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
