McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
