Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
