O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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