If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
