i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
