well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
