You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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